Yesterday was horrible. I was in a bad mood and depressed and Catherine was full of unfocused energy. It was NOT the day to do 'kitchen school' and I should have known it. Regardless, I was determined that we would get some work done for some godforsaken reason and we sat down at the kitchen table to do math.
I pestered her to work faster and got angry when she got distracted. At one point she cried and I...No, I didn't comfort her. I snapped the book shut and declared that was it, I was done. I was done. how grand of me. What a completely stupid, self-centered, bitchy, mean hissy fit to throw.
It's embarrassing to admit this. I made my daughter cry and further, continued to act like a bitch after that. It's the kind of stuff that makes me angry when I hear of other parents doing it. The kind of crap I have no patience for. And I did it.
Other parents do this right? Other good parents? They have moments where they completely fail both themselves and their children? Reading other blogs and message boards I sometimes get the impression that the only slips other good parents make are honest mistakes like the forgetting to pack a lunch or missing how a comment they made hurt a child. But do others get mean on occasion? Get stupid? Act like complete assholes?
Today was much better. It was normal again. We worked together, did puzzles, listened to music and cracked jokes. I acted like a mature adult and she acted like the joyful kid she is.
I'll keep yesterday in mind for a long time. Not to feed a pity-party or drown myself in guilt over but as an example of what I can be like and what I should be on guard for. Hopefully, it's not the slips that mark a good parent but what we do to make up for those slips and ensure they don't happen again.