Monday, August 31, 2009

My Mind is in the Gutter

One more quick post.

I don't know what's with me lately but I've been misreading things in disastrously wrong ways lately.

The first instance was a couple of weeks ago when I noticed the word "hospice" above the headline of our community newspaper. The "o" was also a stylized sun so maybe that's why, when I first read it, I though it said Ho' Spice. All I could think was, is this some sort of clever name for an adult toy store?

But it was hospice of course, not Ho' Spice.

I know what you're thinking though. How could I even make that mistake? I'm in innocent, old-fashioned rural Nova Scotia. Who buys sex toys here? Why, the people who frequent our two local sex toy and accessory shops of course. Take a drive down the main road...Farm store, trail rides, sewing store, sex shop. A natural fit, no?

The other misreading was when a friend who reads my blog sent me a helpful email in response to a post complaining about the temperature here. I opened Gmail last week to find an email titled "heat film". Of course I immediately wondered why someone was sending me links to videos of animals wit' it.

To make matters worse I could see a bit of the first line of the email which made it clear this was a Gila Heat Film. So it was lizards having sex then. Why on earth would someone send me a lizard sex film? I looked at the sender. Lorraine. Well, she does know my daughter likes science...

It tooks long moments to realize that the last I'd heard from Lorraine was in the comments to my post complaining about the heat in Nova Scotia. About how my fingers were melting into the keyboard as I typed. I then read the rest of the email. Oh. The film is meant to go on windows. To block the sun's rays. To combat the heat.

Too late Lorraine. Too late. I think my brain is already fried.

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

Wednesday morning Catherine, my sister and I are flying up to Toronto to see one of my brothers, my sister-in-law and my one year old niece. I'll only be gone until Sunday but I'm looking forward to it. I haven't seen my brother or my sister-in-law (a wonderful woman - my brother has great taste) since their wedding two years ago and I've never met my newest niece.

But I'm not going just for that. I'm also hoping to connect with a cousin on my mom's side who I only met once when I was a child. My mother thinks the world of this woman, her husband and their daughters so I'm betting I will too. I also suspect I'm part of a covert effort to lure them all eastward for a vacation at some point in the future.

(Wendy, if you're reading this I'll have given you my blog address at some point during the visit. Please know that if you come down east you'll have two absolutely gorgeous places to stay at, Mom's and mine. Both offer free room and board, eager tour guides and brilliant company!)

So wish us luck!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Getting in Shape (with actual content this time!)

Sorry about the last empty post. I have no idea what happened to make it publish before I was done. Weird.

Anyway, about getting in shape. Today was a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, all sun, blue skies and cool breezes, so I was outside stacking wood and mulching the gardens.

I've been mulching for about a week now. We got a quarter-ton truck load of red and brown cedar bark mulch so I've been heading out with a grocery bag full of newspapers each day, weeding, laying down a good layer of said newspaper and piling on the mulch. This wouldn't be too bad a job except I don't have a wheelbarrow so every time I need mulch it's a 15 foot walk to the pile and another 15 feet back. Not a big deal normally but when you multiply that by 30 or forty and understand that the woman hauling the mulch is chunky and out of shape then you'll understand why, once I went through a bag of newspapers, it was all I could do to haul myself into the shower.

(Why do we not have a wheelbarrow? Well, we did but it was left behind at the old house. I could say we didn't take it because it was a cheap, broken down piece of crap but I suspect the real reason was that we'd used it for a lot of jobs that involved fixing up the old house. Fixing up that house was like trying to swim upstream. One thing would be done and two more things would suddenly need to be done. So the wheelbarrow didn't make it because, even empty, it had too much baggage.)

Anyhow, I did my bag of newspapers today and was pleasantly surprised that I was only winded and sweaty as opposed to exhausted and soaked in sweat.

Tonight I got the bright idea that since there's still another 4 cords or so of wood that hasn't been stacked I'd do some of that. 45 minutes later I called it quits so I could chase the kids in the house to put pajamas on and jeez, I felt energized rather then pooped.

At this rate I'll be a burly rural housewife just in time to shovel and bring in wood for the winter.

Getting in Shape

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Long Time, No Type

Next summer, around the end of July, please email me and let me know that, for the love of all that's fluffy, homeschooling in August is an insanely stupid idea.

There might be parts of the world where it's okay but here in Nova Scotia where no heat is ever a dry heat and the humidity can push an honest 30 degree (Celcius of course) day into pit-of-hell territory it's just dumb. Granted, I have a pretty new house with a nice, cool basement and yes, all the homeschool stuff has been moved down there but frankly it doesn't matter. When you're under enemy fire you just can't get anything done, even if you are safely tucked away in a bomb shelter.

And yes, if anyone from my favourite message board is reading this I am recycling metaphors from a post there but frankly, I'm too lazy to care. Now excuse me but since I typed this upstairs my fingers have melted into the keys on my laptop and I have to go sit in the freezer for a bit before they'll solidify and I can peel them out.