Monday, August 31, 2009

My Mind is in the Gutter

One more quick post.

I don't know what's with me lately but I've been misreading things in disastrously wrong ways lately.

The first instance was a couple of weeks ago when I noticed the word "hospice" above the headline of our community newspaper. The "o" was also a stylized sun so maybe that's why, when I first read it, I though it said Ho' Spice. All I could think was, is this some sort of clever name for an adult toy store?

But it was hospice of course, not Ho' Spice.

I know what you're thinking though. How could I even make that mistake? I'm in innocent, old-fashioned rural Nova Scotia. Who buys sex toys here? Why, the people who frequent our two local sex toy and accessory shops of course. Take a drive down the main road...Farm store, trail rides, sewing store, sex shop. A natural fit, no?

The other misreading was when a friend who reads my blog sent me a helpful email in response to a post complaining about the temperature here. I opened Gmail last week to find an email titled "heat film". Of course I immediately wondered why someone was sending me links to videos of animals wit' it.

To make matters worse I could see a bit of the first line of the email which made it clear this was a Gila Heat Film. So it was lizards having sex then. Why on earth would someone send me a lizard sex film? I looked at the sender. Lorraine. Well, she does know my daughter likes science...

It tooks long moments to realize that the last I'd heard from Lorraine was in the comments to my post complaining about the heat in Nova Scotia. About how my fingers were melting into the keyboard as I typed. I then read the rest of the email. Oh. The film is meant to go on windows. To block the sun's rays. To combat the heat.

Too late Lorraine. Too late. I think my brain is already fried.


feebeeglee said...

Honestly, what else is there to do in rural wherever, you know?

Lorraine M said...

Just snorted Almond Cream out my nose thank you very much! Really.

(Now I'm thinking "Good Lord, what will she get out of that line???")


Lorraine M. said...

Sorry, I guess my delectable coffee flavour du jour is actually Hazelnut Cream. Do they even make Almond Cream? Hmmm...

Seems to me I read a story here recently about a sex shop in the middle of some itty bitty town... Yes, I did... in Minto, population 2,681.

Lorraine M said...

Lizard sex... guffaw. With visuals even. Still laughing.

Anonymous said...

Actually Dawn, you are not delusional, you are so with it that you don't even know you're with it!

Jessica said...

I literally had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard while reading this post--thank you so much, I need to laugh!!!

Lizards having sex. Too funny!

Dawn said...

Glad this post gave a few laughs. :) I was debating whether I should post it or not because it makes me look like a bit of an idiot but then I thought, when has that ever stopped me before? :D

Jessica - If you need another laugh search my blog or Google for "Cat's butt glitters" It's my one other funny post. :)