Thursday, March 31, 2011

An Odd Day

I had my first ultrasound yesterday. I'm just about ten weeks and despite my lack of enthusiasm in yesterday's post my heart did jump a little when I saw the little jelly bean tucked away in the gestational sack. It was a neat moment knowing I was seeing it so close to the beginning of it's journey into becoming a being.

When we got home I had a quick nap and was back out the door again for Catherine's Pathfinders (next step after Girl Guides here in Canada) and as we were turning around to head down the driveway my daughter pointed under the back deck laughing.

Since we bought this house we've had a neighbour's cat visit us. She's an older woman and doesn't spend the winter in her house so when she leaves the cat, Angus (also to us he's Crookshanks) comes to our house and we feed, house and even worm him. We've gotten quite attached to him. But we hadn't seen him for a few days and Catherine was delighted to see him then.

Except we knew almost immediately that something was wrong. He didn't move as we pulled up beside him. When I got out and called him, no movement. Catherine got out, crawled under the deck and patted him. He was dead.

We don't know why he died but we do know that in the not-so-great tradition of rural cats he was not fixed and not vaccinated and those factors likely played their parts. Regardless, it was a very tough drive to Pathfinders.

I gave my husband a call when he got home and he picked up Crookshanks so nothing would haul him off during the night and today I'll call the owner's daughter-in-law (the owner is still MIA) to let her know. I'm hoping she'll give us the okay to bury him on our property.

A day of extremes.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

On To The Ultrasound

I go in for an early ultrasound today to determine where exactly I am in this pregnancy. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere around the 8 week mark but this will give me a much better answer for all those people asking when I'm due.

I admit, I hate ultrasounds. You have to drink a lot of water, not pee the water out, take a long drive, sit in a waiting room, expose your belly to the gel...It's a lot of work for a grainy picture that everybody else seems to think is amazing but leaves me wondering which bit is the head. At least with the ultrasound happening this early I won't feel like an idiot for not recognizing my child's nose considering the baby is now about the size of a blueberry.

No, I'm not much of a romantic when it comes to a fetus. There's never any doubt for me, in my circumstances, that any pregnancy will be carried to term but that's never meant I've gotten gushy about the little peanuts. I suppose that until the baby is kicking the bejesus out of my internal organs it isn't much more then a promise. A lovely, wonderful promise but still, just a promise. You'll see no cute little pregnancy tickers or, "my baby is THIS big!" pictures here. This may be horribly unmaternal of me but pregnancy in it's early stages seems to be only a step or two above hosting a benign parasite.

None of that means I'm not excited about the baby. I'm already cruising the local thrift stores for old flannel sheets and receiving blankets I can turn into cloth diapers. It's just that the connection between the queasy first trimester and the little bundle of joy at the end has always been a little shaky for me.

I Can't Stay Away

I keep trying other blogs. I keep thinking I'm over this one. But everytime I think up some new blog it turns out to be nothing I really couldn't do here. There are thins I want to write about that are outside the scope of this blog but rather then running off and trying to create the "perfect" blog couldn't I simply park my ass here and play around with this one until it fits my current life?

Sure I could. No reason I can't. I think I will. Besides, I have over 900 posts here. Why abandon that?

Oh yes, if anyone is still paying attention, I'm pregnant. Surprised the HELL out of us. We did NOT plan to have any more kids although I must admit, I didn't feel quite done yet. But still, not feeling quite done isn't a good reason to add to the family so we wouldn't have been having another child if fate or wonky birth control hadn't intervened.